Our Lady and St. Benedict
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​Don’t be fooled by me….
 
Don’t be fooled by me, and don’t be fooled by the masks that I wear.
For I wear a thousand masks that I am afraid to take off,
And none of them are me.
Pretending is an act that is second nature to me, but don’t be fooled
for God’s sake don’t be fooled.
I give the impression that I am secure,
that all is sunny and unruffled within me as we’ll as without,
that confidence is my name and confidence is my game;
That the water is calm and I’m in command, and I need no one.
But don’t believe me, please.
My surface may seem smooth, but my surface is my mask.
Beneath lies no complacency, beneath dwells the real me in confusion,
in fear, in aloneness, but I hide this, I don’t want anyone to know it.
I panic at the thought of my own weakness and fear of being exposed.
That is why I frantically create a mask to hide behind..
a nonchalant sophisticated façade, to help me pretend,
and to shield me from the glance that knows.
But such a glance is precisely my salvation and I know it.
That is if it is followed by acceptance… if it is followed by Love.
 
It’s the only thing that will assure me of what I cannot assure myself,
that I am worth something.  But I don’t tell you this.  I don’t dare.  I’m afraid to.
I’m afraid your glance may not be followed by acceptance and love.
I’m afraid you might this less of me, that you’ll laugh at me
And you laugh would kill me.  I’m afraid that deep down I am nothing,
that I’m no good and that you will see this and reject me.  So I play the game,
My desperate game, with a façade of assurance without and a trembling
child within.  And so begins my parade of Masks.  And my life becomes a front.
 
I idly chatter to you in the suave tones of surface talk.  I tell you everything that is really nothing.
But nothing of what is everything, of what is crying out within me
So please, when I am going through my routine, do not be fooled by what I am saying
Please listen carefully and try to learn what I am not saying, what I’d love to be able to say
What for survival I need to say, but what I can’t say.
I dislike hiding…. honestly.  I dislike the superficial game I am playing,
The phony game.  I’d love to be genuine and spontaneous, and me, but you’ve got to help me.
 
You’ve got to hold out your hand, even when that’s the last thing I seem to want.
Only you can call me into life, into aliveness, each time you are kind and gentle and encouraging.
Each time you try to understand because you care, my heart begins to grow wings, very small,
very feeble wings, but wings.
 
With your sensitivity & sympathy and your power of understanding you can breath life into me.
I want you to know that.  I want you to know how important you are to me.
How you can be the creator of the person that is me if you choose to.  Please choose to.
You alone can break down the walls behind which I tremble.  You alone can remove my mask.
You alone can release me from my world of panic and uncertainty.  From my lonely person.
Do not pass by.  Please do not pass me by.
 
It will not be easy for you.  A long conviction of worthlessness builds strong walls.
The nearer you approach me the blinder I strike back, and I fight against the very thing I cry out for.
But I am told that love is stronger that walls and in this lies my hope.  Please try to break down those walls with
firm but gentle hands, for a child is very sensitive…
Who am I you may wonder, I am someone you know very well….
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  • Home
    • Church History
  • Mass Times
  • Homilies
    • Third Sunday of Ordinary Time
    • Second Sunday of Ordinary Time
    • Baptism of Our Lord
    • Epiphany of the Lord
    • Homily; 1 Jan 2021; Mary Mother of God
    • Christmas Midnight Mass
    • Fourth Sunday of Advent
    • Third Sunday of Advent
    • Homily 2nd Sunday of Advent
    • Homily; 1st Sunday of Advent
    • Our Lord Jesus Christ, King of the Universe
    • Thirty-third Sunday
    • Thirty-second Sunday
    • All Souls
    • All Saints
    • Thirtieth Sunday
    • Twenty-ninth Sunday
    • Twenty-eighth Sunday
    • Twenty seventh Sunday
    • Twenty-sixth Sunday
    • Twenty-fifth Sunday
    • Twenty Fourth Sunday
    • Twenty-third Sunday
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    • The Assumption of the Blessed Virgin Mary
    • Nineteenth Sunday
    • Eighteenth Sunday
    • Seventeenth Sunday
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    • Fourteenth Sunday
    • St Peter & St Paul
    • Twelfth Sunday
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    • Homily for Tuesday Wk 6 Easter
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    • Third Sunday of Ordinary Time
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    • Remembrance Sunday
    • Thirty-first Sunday
    • Twenty-fourth Sunday
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    • Eighteenth Sunday
    • Seventeenth Sunday
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    • The Most Holy Body & Blood of Christ
    • The Most Holy Trinity
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    • Thirteenth Sunday
    • St John the Baptist
    • Eleventh Sunday of Ordinary Time
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    • Ash Wednesday
    • Transfiguration of the Lord
    • Cemetery Mass
  • Newsletters
    • Third Sunday of Ordinary Time
    • Second Sunday of Ordinary Time
    • The Baptism of the Lord
    • Second Sunday after the Nativity
    • The Holy Family
    • Fourth Sunday of Advent
    • Third Sunday of Advent
    • 2nd Sunday of Advent
    • 1st Sunday of Advent
    • Our Lord Jesus Christ, King of the Universe
    • Thirty third Sunday
    • Thirty second Sunday
    • All Saints
    • Thirtieth Sunday
    • Twenty-ninth Sunday
    • Twenty-eighth Sunday
    • Twenty-seventh Sunday
    • Twenty-sixth Sunday
    • Twenty-fifth Sunday
    • Twenty Fourth Sunday
    • Thirty-third Sunday
    • Twenty-second Sunday
    • Twenty-first Sunday
    • The Assumption of the Blessed Virgin Mary
    • Nineteenth Sunday
    • Eighteenth Sunday
    • Seventeenth Sunday
    • Sixteenth Sunday
    • Fifteenth Sunday
    • Fourteenth Sunday
    • St Peter & St Paul
    • Twelfth Sunday
    • The Most Holy Body & Blood of Christ
    • Trinity Sunday
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    • Seventh Sunday of Easter
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    • The Baptism of the Lord
    • The Epiphany of the Lord
    • Fourth Sunday of Advent
    • Second Sunday of Advent
    • First Sunday of Advent
    • Thirty-first Sunday
    • Third Sunday of Ordinary Time
    • Twenty-fourth Sunday
    • Twenty-third Sunday
    • Twentieth Sunday
    • Eighteenth Sunday
    • Sixteenth Sunday
    • The Most Holy Trinity
    • Sixth Sunday of Easter
    • Fourth Sunday of Easter
    • Eighth Sunday of Ordinary Time
    • Fourth Sunday of Ordinary Time
    • St John the Baptist
    • Eleventh Sunday of Ordinary Time
    • Tenth Sunday of Ordinary Time
  • Coronavirus
    • Caritas Middlesbrough helpline
    • Live streaming
    • Home Prayers
    • Our Advent Journey to Christmas sheet
    • Blessing of Advent Wreath
    • O Antiphon thought for each day
    • The Tablet
    • Seized by the Holy Spirit by Abbot General
    • Letter to Daniel
    • Joyce Rupp reflection
    • The Rev Julie Nicholson
    • Noah's Ark story part 3
    • Wind beneath my wings; Bette Midler
    • Lockdown poem
    • Our Lady and the child Jesus
    • Noah's Ark story part 4
    • Pope Francis Rosary
    • Seven gifts sheet
    • Women & the post-covid church
    • Jesus images
    • Noah's Ark story part 2
    • Ark
    • Why I'm not opening church's yet
    • Abbot primates five blessings
    • Holy Spirit
    • Angelus & Come down O Love divine hymn
    • Simon & Garfunkel song
    • Noah's Ark story part 1
    • Trasna Poem
    • The seven I am titles of Jesus
    • Noah's Ark on Mount Ararat by Simon de Myle
    • Angels Unaware
    • Be still and know that I am God
    • Extraordinary moment of prayer
    • Halik
    • Don't be fooled
    • Home picture
    • The Last Supper
    • Iona Gate
    • Caravaggio 1
    • Caravaggio 2
    • Poems 1
    • Poems 2
    • School
    • Leeds
    • 5th Station, Simon of Cyrene carries the Cross
  • Hospitality & Outreach
    • Middlesbrough Food Bank
    • The Sick and the Unwell
    • The Society of St Vincent de Paul (SVP)
    • ​Together Middlesbrough and Cleveland (TMC)
    • Zimbabwe missions appeal >
      • Mashambanzou Bulletin September 2020
  • Gallery
    • Bernard's bench 2020
    • Cherry tree in blossom 2020
    • 2016 in our Church
    • Church Photos
    • Historical Photos
  • Contact us
  • 100 Club Winners
  • GDPR - Privacy Notice
  • Justice & Peace
  • Knitting for Refugees
  • Parish Hall for hire
  • Rosa Ampleforth
  • Safeguarding
  • Useful Links